I really don’t like to talk about myself too often, and I probably like writing about myself even less because I feel like I can come off as pretentious, especially if it’s all about me. But in reflection of the last few years of my life, as well as in consideration of the future, I think it might be important to share what has happened.

I find myself now working in Mansfield, in a job I wasn’t technically hired for and essentially working for a company that does business in a place I neither work nor live in, The Marion Star. It’s a bit of an odd spot to be in, and looking at how I got here is pretty crazy as well.

For folks who don’t know, I should explain how I got into journalism in the first place. When I started school at The Ohio State University, (O-H!…) I was planning on becoming a computer programmer, majoring in computer science. I didn’t really know why I wanted to do that. All I knew was that it sounded like something I could get a job and make money in. I really didn’t think much further than that. It is also what my dad did, so I guess it felt like it could run in the family.

I started into college, and almost immediately, I was overwhelmed. I really didn’t have much of a background in computers, so programming was something completely new to me. I’ve come to learn that you really have to have a mind for that kind of stuff. If you don’t, but you’re really intelligent and driven, you could probably still get it and succeed, but it would be difficult to flourish. Beyond not having a mind for programming, I also really didn’t have the interest. I was also lazy. I wasn’t doing well in math either. These things combined to add up to a disappointing first year of college (at least academically), and by spring quarter of the first year, I had all but decided I was done with computer science and programming.

One of the first general education classes I took was English. It was a simple class. I discovered I could write a five-page paper in a single evening with little trouble. And my writing was actually pretty good, to be honest. My instructor enjoyed it, though being a TA, I’m not really sure how much she meant that. Maybe she just thought similar to most students in GECs, “I’m only doing this to get this over with so I can actually do what I want to do.” And with the number of classmates I had in that class from my programming classes, I’m sure just about everyone was thinking the same thing.

But writing somehow appealed to me, and it seemed like something I could do. I visited Ohio State’s career services looking for direction, and they gave me some advice. They also gave me some occupation placement tests. I scored pretty high on park ranger. I think I scored well for interior decorator as well. Journalism was probably around third or fourth on the list. But journalism was probably the only thing on the list that really appealed to me. I spent some time considering other possible careers as well, like paralegal. But I ended up picking journalism. And heading into my sophomore year, I was set on journalism, and I really didn’t look back until I finished school.

After I graduated, I went to Thailand for six weeks, which was an experience that helped me to grow up a bit. When I came back, I started looking for a job. My dream or maybe fantasy for my journalism career was as an entertainment writer. I got to do some writing in college for the arts section of the newspaper, so I did have some experience under my belt. But I thought that I’d have a better chance of getting my foot in the door of the industry as a copy editor. My instructor my senior year told us that copy editing not only paid well, but it was also in high demand.

I looked for jobs. I applied to many, and only heard responses from a few. After interviews over the phone, each attempt ended the same way. The paper was going to hire someone else who was more qualified and had more experience.

To give perspective, I graduated school in June 2006. I returned from Thailand the end of July. I looked for a job from that point through September. In retrospect, that doesn’t sound like a very long time, but as a 22-year-old who was already confused and worried about starting a career, it felt like years. It appeared to me that my journalism career was over before it started. Maybe that says something about how easily I give up on things.

In any case, I ended up getting a job at a GAP distribution center in October. To keep it brief, the job sucked. I don’t really need to say anymore.

The job did get me one thing I craved and that was an escape from my parents’ house. The last thing an ambitious recent college grad who had already been living on his own for four years wants is to be stuck back in his parents’ house. If you’re reading this Mom and Dad, I’m sorry, but that’s just honest.

I worked at the GAP through the holiday season until January when I was released. Since I knew I didn’t want to do that forever, I decided I would go to Capital University Law to try to get that paralegal certificate I thought about when I was at Ohio State. I started there in February. As an anecdote, my first day of class was actually canceled because of snow. Anyone who lived on Mount Holyoke Road then will remember we all had a pretty good time that day.

Anyway, as I got further along in the program, my attitude about doing making this a career was along the lines of, I think this is something I could do, but I just don’t know if I really want to. I didn’t know if I would enjoy the work or how it would be of any benefit to society. I was frustrated that I felt like, again, I’ve found something I don’t want to do.

This was the first time I seriously considered applying for the International Missions Board Journeyman program. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like God was pushing me in that direction in some way. I thought that if I was faithful in this one thing, then perhaps God would direct me where to go next. It didn’t turn out quite how I expected it would.

I was working on a computer at school and I wanted to update my resume with my prospective career path in mind. I went to the typical job search sites: Monster.com and CareerBuilder.com. I saw that I still had a journalism resume posted, though it badly needed updating. I put up my new resume, and while I was at it, I thought, “what the heck could it hurt to update my journalism resume?” To me it was a shot in the dark, and I really didn’t think anything would come of it. As I logged off the machine, I was probably more discouraged then anything. I was daunted by the task of still having to find a job in any field. On top of that, it reminded me of how hopeful I was to get into journalism, and how nothing ever came of those four years I put in at Ohio State.

Shortly afterward, I got an e-mail from Tom Graser of the Marion Star asking if I was still looking for work as a copy editor. I replied as soon as I got the e-mail that I was interested, and asking what do we do next? Eventually, I had a phone interview, and then drove up to Marion for a face-to-face interview. I believe this happened in July.

Meanwhile, the lease for the house I was staying in with my friends was ending soon. Somewhat sadly, we all agreed that we couldn’t sign on for another year. I for one couldn’t afford it, not having a job anymore and trying to pay for school. The other guys had their own reasons for moving on. So, it was back to my parents’ house for me. I moved back in in August.

A couple weeks after I moved back in with my parents for a second time, I got another call from Tom. I was invited back for a second interview. As a good amount of time had passed, I didn’t know if I was going to hear from the Star again. At this interview, I was all but offered the job, and a week later or so, I was officially offered the job over the phone.

Another anecdote here. I kept an alarm on my phone so that I could wake up at 10. Apparently I had left it on, though I at least was smart enough to leave my phone on vibrate. My second interview at the Star was at 9 or 9:30, so I didn’t get a chance to turn that alarm off in the morning. During the interview, I felt my phone vibrate. Assuming it was someone calling, I left my phone in my pocket and just pressed one of the buttons on the side that acts as a decline button. A few minutes later, it went off again. I assumed that meant someone left a message. My phone proceeded to go off every five minutes for the rest of the interview, which probably lasted until about 10:30 or 10:45. So that’s about 6 or 9 times the phone went off in my pocket. I didn’t dare look at it because that might look unprofessional, and I knew it wasn’t anything important, so I just disregarded it. When I left, I finally discovered I’d left my alarm on. I was also slightly disappointed I didn’t actually receive a call.

Back on point, I actually wasn’t sure what to do. I was six months through school at this point; another six months and I would be finished with it. But my school schedule would have conflicted with my work schedule. So I couldn’t do both.

Further complicating things, as I was driving home from Marion from my second interview, believing a job offer was forthcoming, I received a phone call from a law firm for a legal job. It wasn’t a great offer, but if I wanted to stay in the legal field, it would have been a foot in the door.

I knew that newspapers were on the decline, and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to cut off the paralegal route. Tom even told me that some people with some incredible credentials had passed on the job. Not sure if I was supposed to know that. But that was both a good and bad sign. Good because it meant the job was open, but bad because those people probably realized that it wasn’t the greatest job, and there might be something better out there. To me though, at this point, a job was a job.

I actually told Tom I needed to wait a week to let some personal things work themselves out. I was actually waiting to hear a call back from my other interview I had with the law firm. A week passed, and I hadn’t heard anything. So I finally called Tom and told him I’d take the job since I didn’t want to sleep on a job offer, and I didn’t know what the other place was going to say. The law firm called me later that same day and told me they were going in another direction.

There are times when you just have to wipe your brow and say, whew, that was a close one.

But more importantly, it really seemed to me that it was highly improbable that I got that job in the first place. I obviously wasn’t what most papers were looking for in a copy editor as I had already tried to find myself a job, and a year of sitting on the sidelines should have only hurt my chances. I wasn’t qualified. Knowing what I know now, I attribute my hiring to a combination of Tom having no better option because everyone else passed on the job or were somehow even less qualified than me, and desperation on the part of Tom and the Star’s staff because they needed that position filled and couldn’t wait any longer. On top of that, I almost let the job slip away because I was waiting for another job that didn’t pan out in the end.

I don’t know what you believe, but I just don’t think perfect storms happen, so this whole thing was a huge booster for my faith that God did have a good plan for my life. It was just unfathomable to me that this sort of thing could just happen without some kind of intervention. It continues to keep my faith strong even now. And the fact that I was able to do the work — which I had done very little of in college, so again, no experience — and actually do a decent job, and still be around two years later must be a testament to something other than my own effort. It still stuns me.

Fast forwarding a couple years, to a couple months ago, Gannett (the parent company of the subgroup of Newspaper Network of Central Ohio, the parent company of the Marion Star) announced a massive layoff that was taking place at the beginning of the third fiscal quarter for newspapers throughout the U.S. A week prior to the deadline given for the layoffs to be named, my boss told the copy editors that they were moving all copy editor jobs to two satellite locations: Mansfield and Newark. We weren’t sure what this meant for our jobs. Our boss told us we would be keeping our jobs and offered positions in one of the satellite locations. With the impending layoffs, we were not confident this would be true.

I was actually somewhat confident I would be laid off. Maybe 50 percent sure, which is pretty high. I told my friends and parents, I might be laid off. I prepared myself for it. I dressed up extra nice the next day thinking that if I was going to be laid off, I didn’t want to look like a slob doing it. I got to work that day and felt a bit embarrassed as I started into my usual duties for the day. Likely everyone knew what I was thinking would happen being dressed like that. Every day that week, I went to work wondering if I was going to see the publisher there, who typically only came bearing bad news, and I knew what was coming if he did. He didn’t show up that week. At least not while I was there.

Around this time, I thought seriously again about doing the Journeyman program for what would actually be the third time (in case you’re wondering if you fell into a black hole for a minute there, I didn’t talk about the second one. This thing’s long enough as it is). I needed a plan for what to do if I was laid off. I actually was starting to get enthused about the possibilities of the work they offered. I talked to a representative of the organization, and it sounded promising this time. I might actually do it this time. Maybe no more messing around and waiting.

When the layoff didn’t come and I was offered a job in Mansfield, I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. I had built it up in my mind that I was getting laid off. I didn’t really want to go to Mansfield either. I hadn’t heard good things about it from my co-workers. I was worried there would be more pressure on me to perform well there. The IMB was fresh in my mind, and I felt like I was really ready to go with that.

Now, a couple months later, I really enjoy working in Mansfield. I find it somewhat counterproductive to drive as far as I do to go to work. I don’t know if I like the fact that I am working on a paper for a town that I have no self-interest in anymore. But I like the people I work with in Mansfield. The atmosphere is more professional, well other than my new boss accidentally sending e-mail to the entire NNCO group calling the workers at the southern papers something quite vulgar. That’s another story for another time. I believe there is more pressure on me to perform well, but that also shows that they have some confidence in me to perform, and that’s a good feeling. It’s disappointing that I don’t get to work with my friends I had in Marion anymore, as one quit and moved to Indiana and the other decided to work in Newark. But other than that, I feel comfortable here.

How long that will last is anyone’s guess right now. Everyone knows the company is still not doing well. We all see another round of layoffs coming in the future, though we don’t know when. On top of that, the newspaper industry as a whole is tanking. To my generation, the newspaper has become obsolete. I believe the customers that are still buying the paper are baby-boomers who still prefer the charms of the more traditional newspaper to news Web sites. Many of whom may not have Internet access. I think the market for papers will dry up eventually, and it will have outlived its usefulness at some point. For more than just self-preservation, I believe newspapers are still important, even with the rise of online news, but that’s another topic for another time.

My point here is, I don’t know what’s going to happen over the next year, or even the next few months. But it’s kind of been that way for a while now as you can see. Like for a few years. It’s kind of scary to think where I would have ended up had I not decided to update my resume that one day. I might be back at the GAP for all I know. Heck, I could still end up back there.

The situation with the IMB now is not favorable to me. I have come to understand that I do not agree with one of their core doctrinal beliefs. I have done a good portion of the work for my application, and the main areas I have left to finish up are concerning that core belief. It would be with trepidation that I would finish the application and submit it. I have no problem being rejected, but I don’t want to waste my time with something that might lead to nothing. I don’t know for sure that that would be the case. And eventually, I still plan on finishing the application and submitting it. But for now, I am still hesitant.

So I am here, just having moved to a new apartment, in a place that I prefer to my last place of living. But I don’t know how much longer my current employment will last. I really have no idea. It could last a few more months or a few more years, I just don’t know. Moreover, I really have no idea what I will do once my employment is up. I may start looking at new jobs in a couple weeks. I may finish up my application for the IMB. I’d kind of like to go back to school, but I don’t know what for. It’s all up in the air right now.

I approach the coming months with some excitement and some trepidation. I have been in this place before, just waiting to see what comes next. I am excited because the last time I was in this place, I was led to where I am now. But it’s never easy to look at your future and see that there is nothing that is certain.

My hope for this piece is that it will show that God is in control of all situations and that things will change. The difficult part is in between now and then. My other goal was just to enlighten those I know who probably didn’t realize all that has been going on with me over the past few years. It has been an incredible journey. And when I discover what’s next, I’m sure it will be no less incredible.

I just don’t know what that is.